Reverb 10 - December 24th-28th

December 24: Everything's OK

What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?

honestly, this prompt is really hard for me. I can't remember a time this year in which I worried about things being alright, and therefore, there wasn't really a moment that served as reassurance of that either. 

I guess I just always try to keep a positive outlook... it's been one of my goals this year to stay optimistic. I always know things will work out, despite how bad they seem at the time. even when times are tough, something good usually comes of it, and it's most likely a lesson learned. I don't really need a specific moment to know that things will turn out just fine. 

I'll continue to keep my outlook as positive as possible in the future, including the year ahead. I want to look on the bright side of things and not stress about things that are out of my control. it takes a bit of patience to live this way, but it's the best thing for my sanity. 

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December 25: Photo

Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.

I took this picture of myself (well, my legs & feet), back in August at the beach during our anniversary vacation. it's amazing how much one photo, taken on my cell phone no less, can reveal so much about a person. this picture pretty much represents everything I am... laid back, beach goer/lover, book reader extraordinaire, relaxed & mellow. I want to be all those things and more in the future as well, so I feel like this photo is a perfect representation of me as a person.

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December 26: Soul Food

What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul?

Thanksgiving & Christmas dinner, which are pretty much the same in our family household, consist of some of my favorite foods, and therefore are the winners for this prompt. these meals include: turkey, ham (for Christmas dinner), mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, stuffing, asparagus, steamed broccoli, biscuits, and gravy.

I was definitely more appreciative of both meals this year, because instead of parking my ass on the couch to watch football, I spent both days in the kitchen cooking. these meals are what I look forward to all year long, so it's not hard to imagine why I consider them to be the meals that touched my soul. I wish I could eat them everyday... I think the wait and the anticipation is what makes them so special. :)

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December 28: Achieve 

What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.

I think this is pretty obvious, but I would love to be a mother next year. I know I'm too young to say that my clock is ticking, but I have this intense feeling of baby fever... I want to be a mama very badly, and I know that next year will be the right time for us. we're settled in our lives and our careers (for the most part), and although I know everyone says "you'll never be ready," I think we're ready. 

I honestly cannot even describe how happy I'll be when I become a mother... I know it'll be one of those moments that I'll never ever forget, and I'm certain that the feelings will not be able to be put into words. I think I'll feel ecstatic, happy, successful, nervous, excited, relieved, terrified, and content... all at the same time. 

I'm so excited to experience pregnancy and motherhood. I can almost guarantee that I will love being pregnant and will love all the new emotions I will get to feel. obviously, I've never been a mom before, so I can't really grasp how amazing the feeling is to grow a baby. I can't wait to be a mom, and for Sean to be dad... I think we'll both make great parents one day, and I will consider myself extremely blessed if that day is in 2011. 

as for the last part of the prompt, the only way I'd be able to reenact the feeling of being pregnant and having a baby is to do so, therefore, unless I found out today that I was pregnant (which I'm not, by the way), I could not possibly experience that feeling today. 

Reverb 10 - December 23rd

December 23rd: New Name

Let’s meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?

hi, I'm Scarlett. why yes, I WAS married to Ryan Reynolds (read: sexiest man in the WORLD). and yes, he DOES have a large penis and is amazing in bed.

why? 

self explanatory.

Reverb 10 - December 22nd

December 22: Travel 

How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?

sheesh. we didn't do nearly enough traveling this year. we drove to Ocean City in August for our anniversary vacation, which is only a 3 hour drive from home. it was a great trip, don't get me wrong, but I usually like to make those OC trips on weekends, so I don't know if I really count it as "traveling" even though it was an amazing vacation for the both of us. 

I also made the 6 hour drive solo to Blacksburg, VA to visit my cousin in early October. it was so nice to get away for the weekend, but it also completely sucked ass to be in the car for 12 hours total by myself. next time, I'll definitely be dragging the hubs with me. 

ideally, I'd be traveling to Europe at some point next year, but since we haven't even begun to plan a trip of that magnitude, I highly doubt it will become a reality. we do hope to make a trip with our friends to spend a week in OBX, which is only a 4-5 hour drive. we tossed around the idea of going back to Boston in the spring too, so that'd be a great possibility for us in 2011. I love to travel and see new places, so hopefully we'll have more trips to take next year than we did in 2010!

Reverb 10 - December 21st

December 21: Future Self

Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? 

Dear 2011 MandeeFoFandee, 

hey, what's up? nothing much here, just chillin. (remember that from middle school days?) THROWBACK! 

just so you know, you won't die during childbirth... I know that's one of your biggest fears, so I just wanted to ease your mind. also, it's okay if you poop while you're pushing that kid out... people do it ALL the time. stop being a pussy about it. 

for real though. don't stress about anything that isn't in your control. enjoy your life you have now (without screaming children), because you're extremely lucky. you are incredibly blessed and fortunate to have all that you do, so take the time to appreciate it. 

keep taking pictures and documenting your life. you're kinda good at it. don't stop blogging either... you'll look back at this blog one day and laugh over your silliness... you won't always be this funny, trust me. give your cats lots of love, because once you have kids, they'll be put on the back burner. I know that's not what you want to happen, but it's inevitable.

all in all, just live your life, and be as positive and happy as you can be. oh, and be nicer to your husband. he really loves you. 

Peace & chicken grease, 

2015 MandeeFoFandee

Reverb 10 - December 20th

December 20: Beyond Avoidance

What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)

oh, this is easy. we should have finished all the work on the house, including the kitchen, the entryway, the bedroom, etc. we should have stopped being so busy/lazy and painted the kitchen cabinets ourselves. we should have hung up all the art that we've purchased, and I should have taken the time to create my gallery wall for our living room wall. I should have refinished the dining room table and reupholstered the dining room chairs. we should have gotten started with the upstairs of the house... painting walls, arranging furniture, finishing the stairs. 

unfortunately, life got in the way, and a lot of projects got put on hold. the kitchen and entryway are finally being completed, thanks to having some extra funds to hire a contracting company. we were just entirely too busy to do the work ourselves, so I'm glad we at least got those two rooms worked on before the end of the year. I'm not gunna lie... if we weren't busy on the weekends, we were just way too lazy to think about doing major work on the house. we didn't have much time to ourselves, so the time we DID have, we didn't want to spend working.

we have big plans to finish EVERYTHING in 2011. I have a to-do list about a mile long of things that need to be done, and now that the ceiling is replaced in the entryway and the cosmetic work is done in the kitchen, we have the motivation to get to it. we're planning on hanging everything on the walls after the new year, and once the downstairs is finished, we'll move to the upstairs, where we'll set up the office and the spare bedroom. of course, I'll keep everyone updated on the blog on the progress!

Reverb 10 - December 18th

December 18: Try

What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it?

next year, I'd like to try my hand at being a mama. shocker, I know. and no, I'm not pregnant, so don't go assuming that I am. I'm currently off of birth control, so we're taking things as they come. I don't have a specific time in which I'd like to get knocked up or give birth, so whenever it happens, I'll be happy and excited. 

we're at a point in our lives where we're ready to be parents, and we're really excited to start trying for a family. I can't wait to carry on the traditions I experienced as a child and teach my children everything I know. we're ready to take that next step, and are completely terrified at the same time.

everything I wanted to try in 2010, I did. I wanted to try a healthy lifestyle and consumed it with a passion. I wanted to try my hand at photography, and again, I fell in love with it, and now I'm obsessed with it. I wanted to try a bunch of new restaurants in our area, and we did.  I wanted to try reading a few books out of my normal subject matter, and ended up reading a ton of great books that I would have never picked up.

I think 2011 will be an amazing year of new experiences for us, and hopefully, it'll include a little bambino at some point. ♥

Reverb 10 - December 17th

December 17: Lesson Learned

What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

regardless of whether this year was full of more ups than downs or vice versa, I sure as hell have learned a lot about myself. I've been tested in more ways than one throughout 2010, which forced me to get to know myself on a different level. the best thing I've learned about myself this year is the amount of willpower I have. I've had to persevere through quite a few obstacles this year, and I think I've done an amazing job at standing my ground on numerous occasions.

I've been determined to live a healthier lifestyle and have been continuously training at the gym for almost 6 months. I've been making an effort to eat healthy meals and not allow myself to consume the junk I used to love. I've cut back on sodas and drink only one diet soda a day, and instead of drinking soft drinks all day, I drink water - all.day.long. as much as I'd love to indulge in sweets and fatty foods, I know that it'd be just like taking 2 steps backward, and it's not worth it to me.

I'm amazed at my willpower when it comes to not smoking. I thought it would be a lot harder than it actually is. I admit I have a hard time when I'm drinking and socializing with friends who are smokers, but I refrain from smoking by just telling myself it's not worth it to only have one while drinking. I know that I can't just have one cigarette and I know that I can't just be a social smoker.

it just doesn't work that way for me and it's never worked in the past... I'd start out smoking just on Saturday nights while out with friends, bumming one here and there. and then I'd "feel bad" for mooching and buy my own pack, but give them away at the end of the night so that I didn't take them home. before you knew it, I'd still have some leftover in that pack on Sunday and I'd be a regular smoker again. not this time though. I've not had a cigarette since Halloween night, which, unfortunately, was one of those nights when I was bumming from a friend. we've gone out with friends multiple times since then, and I've been good about not jumping on the wagon and just having one. so hallelujah to that! 

there are tons of other situations that show how my willpower has strengthened this year, but I'll just leave you with those two, since I think they're the most important. now... time to catch up on the rest of the Reverb prompts!

Reverb 10 - December 16th

December 16: Friendship

How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?

I wouldn't necessarily say that a friend changed me, but an old friend's actions definitely made me revisit my standards of friendships. this old friend is the same person mentioned in this post and this post. because of her friendship (or lack there of), I've had to reevaluate myself, along with my current relationships.

moreso, my perspective on friendships has ultimately been changed... and it has been a gradual change since this time last year. I believe it's been a change for the better, especially because I've begun to raise my standards when it comes to friendships. 

I've also discovered a handful of true friends in my life, and it's amazing to build on those friendships now that I'm not distracted by a toxic one. those friends are the ones I consider my best friends, because they're the ones who have stuck by me through this unfortunate situation and have supported my decisions, even though my opinions may be seen as harsh by others. they respect my feelings and encourage me to go with my gut, to move on from that friendship that had once caused me pain and sadness. 

it's a great feeling to work on your existing friendships and allow them to grow naturally. while that's something I've always attempted to do, I've been semi held back by the negativity of the other friend. waves have been made and fights have been had in the past... but that's no longer an issue thanks to the decision I've recently made to let go. it's been nothing but positive and endearing experiences since then, and I'm loving every minute of it. I can actually enjoy my friendships and learn from them, grow from them, and be inspired by them.

I've also learned to not go around trusting everyone I meet, because most of the time, people have their own motives for their actions and they may not always be well thought out. things have surfaced recently that have been somewhat shocking and I'm kicking myself in the ass for allowing myself to trust so easily. I tend to feel open with people I connect with instantly, and instead of having that little sense of doubt, I always want to see the ultimate good in people. I want to believe that no harm can be done by sharing my life with others, and I think that I want to feel secure in doing so. believe me when I say that I'm putting my guard up from now on and not blabbing about my life to every Tom, Dick & Harry I encounter, even if it seems as though they're trustworthy.

I now know that I have healthy, assuring, and respectful friendships and I appreciate them more than they'll ever know. I honestly think that if it weren't for the old friend's past actions and words, I wouldn't feel this gratitude I feel for my friends. they are so incredibly important to me, and I never realized how good they were to me until I experienced the bad of another. I am so proud to surround myself with positive influences and experience the true joy it is to have lasting and healthy friendships. so... to that old friend... thanks.

Reverb 10 - December 14th

December 14: Appreciate

What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?


well, isn't this quite the loaded question. I can't say that I can simply name only ONE thing I've learned to appreciate this year. in fact, I did an entire series based on being thankful during the month of November, which you can check out here. 

instead of typing out a loooong drawn out post, I'll respond with pictures. :)

Reverb 10 - December 13th

December 13: Action

When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?

the next step for my future is to finish my associate's degree in Interior Design, and I've already begun to take the steps toward achieving that goal. I've recently re-enrolled in school and I just signed up to take my first college course in 4 years. it's a sociology class, which I'm looking forward to, and it's online, so I don't have to worry about driving to campus at all. 

I'm really excited about being in school again, but I'm a little nervous at the same time. I know it's totally not the norm, but I actually LOVED being in school - I love to learn and explore new subjects, and attaining my degree is something I've always wanted. it's a little nerve wrecking to think about how much homework I'll have and what papers I'll have to write, and then think about how I'll actually take classes ON campus eventually (all interior design/architecture classes are held on campus) with my busy schedule. I know it's something I'll have to just deal with and make time for, but it makes me nervous because I know it'll be stressful for me to try and juggle my full time job, my home life, my workout schedule, AND school work.

I know that earning my degree is the best thing for my future. while I (hopefully) plan to stay home when we have children, I'd like to have a degree under my belt so that I can have my own career once our kids are grown. I don't want to rely on Sean to provide for our family forever, and I'm entirely too independent to let that happen anyway.

as I've mentioned (many times) before, design has always, ALWAYS been a passion of mine, and I couldn't imagine studying anything else. there's nothing else out there that interests me as much as the study of interiors and architecture. I know that there is not a huge demand for that profession, and I'm completely aware of the fact that I may not be able to make as much money as I'd like... but I think if I can get my foot in the door and meet the right people, I could have a pretty steady salary.

more importantly, I know I'll be happy as a designer. I think I naturally have a good eye when it comes to space planning, texture & color combination, and textiles, so I'm really hoping that I can learn the trade and know what I'm doing at a technical standpoint. 

don't get me wrong, I like my job now, and I have the ability to go far in this business and make a lot of money... but it's not MY dream. it's not what I want to do for the rest of my life. I see how stressed out my dad is and how hard he still works at almost 50 years old, and I admire him, I really do... but I don't want that stress to be passed down to me... at least not running a business that isn't my own. I want my own business, I want my OWN dreams to come true. 

and hopefully, by going back to school and attaining this degree, I'll be one step closer to that dream. 

Reverb 10 - December 11th

December 11: 11 Things

What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

1. negativity

2. cigarettes

3. discouragement

4. unhealthy foods

5. drama

6. lazy house manners

7. loss of friends

8. injuries/illness

9. sleepless nights

10. stress

11. birth control ;)

Reverb 10 - December 10th

December 10: Wisdom

What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

I decided back in September that it was time.  it was time to make a decision that would make me a different person for the rest of my life. I made the choice to become a non-smoker. 

I've been smoking regularly since I was about 16 years old - I've "quit" a few times in those 8 years, but never did I go longer than 6 months without a cigarette. this time, I knew I had to be serious about it. obviously, I quit for a variety of reasons, as there are never any GOOD reasons to be a smoker.

I was so tired of being out of breath all the time. I felt like I wasn't doing anything to improve my health by working out, when I'd be out of breath the whole time. my poor lungs would struggle to pump air through when I'd get my heart rate up. my chest would hurt so bad after working out, due to the fact that my lungs were NOT healthy at all and they couldn't keep up with me when I was being active.

Sean & I have discussed the possibilities of starting a family, and of course, it would be completely unacceptable to NOT quit before I got pregnant. science and history have proven how bad smoking is for people, especially unborn babies. my mom smoked while she was pregnant with me, and while I turned out just fine, I would never put my children at risk. I don't want to be that mom, either. I don't want to be the mom who smokes around her kids. I remember what that was like when I was a child and I absolutely fucking HATED it. 

I was so annoyed with all of my clothes and other belongings reeking of smoke. seriously, I would come home from a night out and my jacket or sweatshirt would smell like a damn ashtray, and it was disgusting. the same goes for my car - she smelled SO bad, because I would smoke the most while I was driving. and my hands... god, my hands smelled of smoke SO badly.

today marks the two month point since I quit smoking, and it feels amazing. now I say that my quit date is October 12th, but I cheated twice... alcohol makes it much harder to stay strong and the cravings are horrible when I'm drinking. the last time I actually smoked a cigarette was on Halloween night, but I actually QUIT on the 12th. so yeah, like I was saying. it feels great to be a non-smoker. I FEEL so much healthier and I know that I smell better too.

I used the Nicoderm CQ nicotine patches to help me with the cravings in the beginning, and I used them for the first four weeks. after that, I kinda kept forgetting to put the patch on every morning, so it seemed as if I just didn't need them anymore. I still get the urge every once in a while, but for the most part, it doesn't really bother me. sometimes I still miss it, only for the habit and the work breaks I would get every hour.

I'm happy to say I've stuck with my decision, and I plan on doing so in the future. I don't ever want to be a smoker again, and I'm glad I can say that today. it feels like freedom.

Reverb 10 - December 9th

December 9: Party

What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? 

Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.

I had SO much fun on my birthday this year. most of my good friends made it out to Nick's Nightclub in Virginia to celebrate with us. Nick's is a country western slash karaoke bar and it is the perfect setting for a grand old time... trust me.

we had SO many people show up to hang out... I was so thankful that mostly everyone invited could make it. we sang and listened to a lot of different songs, and even busted out the old Boyz In The Hood, which is a tradition for us whenever we're near a microphone. we took up the entire left side of the bar, and hijacked at least 5 tables to put all our people. we stored our purses underneath our seats so we'd have plenty of room for the beer bottles and ashtrays. we ogled over the hot cowboy security guard like a bunch of middle school girls and went to the bathroom in groups.

the drinks were flowing all night long, and rounds of shots served their purpose. the end of the night is a little fuzzy to me, thanks to my dad buying an entire tray of jello shots. or maybe it was the beer? or the mixed drinks? I'm not exactly sure, but it was an amazing night from what I can remember. 

for some reason, I wasn't too excited about turning 24, 

but it ended up being one of best birthdays I can remember. 

I can still recall my clothes smelling of cigarettes, fried bar food, 

and beer the next day... that's always proof of a good time, right?

Reverb 10 - December 7th

December 7: Community 

Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

well, this one is easy. I wrote my very first blog post on January 19, 2010, and it's been a steady uphill climb ever since that first post. it's not even possible to describe how much I love this blogging community. 

we're all just a group of strangers who love to write and share about our separate lives, and somewhere along our journey, we connect. we connect with each other and other people out there all across the world, those who live completely different lives from us. those who just decided one day that they'd like to start a blog, to document their every day or their week or their month. to document their crafts, or their cooking, or their homes, or their kids' achievements. 

it's amazing to me how complete strangers can come together because of one little click of a mouse and continue to become more than just a follower or a reader... they become friends and confidants by chance. I never ever thought I would have more than a handful of people reading my blog. it really makes you feel good to know that other people appreciate what you write, and it's nice to read about other peoples' lives and keep up with them through blogging. 

the women I've met through blogging are so incredible. they're all SO different in their own ways, and they've each got a little something special to them that makes them so unique. it's funny, because I feel like most of the ladies I communicate with through blogging, I would absolutely be friends with them in real life. but there's a handful that I probably wouldn't be... and that's not to say anything bad about them at all. I just think that we connect through blogging and ONLY blogging, and that's okay with me. because we may have one tiny little thing in common, is why we engage the way we do, and that's all that matters.

they're all so inspiring and encouraging, that I can't help but love them all in different ways for different reasons. I hope to connect with every single one of them more deeply in the years to come.

Reverb 10 - December 6th

December 6: Make

What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

unfortunately, I married a Baltimore Ravens fan. and not just any fan, but a die hard fan. a fan that has season tickets, attends every single home game, and arrives in the parking lot to tailgate as soon as it opens. if you're not into football, you may not be aware of the rivalry between the Ravens and the Pittsburgh Steelers... and in that case, this may not make sense to you. basically, Ravens fans would rather die than wear Steelers gear, and vice versa. it's a divisional match-up, much like the Cowboys versus the Redskins.

anyway, the point of this is that the tailgate for the Ravens vs. Steelers game is a little... adventurous, compared to other games, especially for the night game. this past week, Sean decided that he wanted to make jungle juice for the game, and since he'd never made it before, I gladly offered to help, all the while secretly laughing, knowing that I wouldn't have to drink that shit. so we bought ourselves a 5 gallon Gatorade cooler, bought all the supplies, and made the juice on Friday and Saturday. 

here is our my recipe: 

1 gallon Everclear (grain alcohol)

1 5th apple flavored vodka

2 jugs Hawaiian Punch (the big ones with the handle on the lid)

2 liters Sprite

1 gallon orange juice

1 can crushed pineapple

2 jars maraschino cherries

2 sliced braeburn apples

2 sliced naval oranges

it's pretty simple - dump everything together. well, we put all the fruit in the jug first, and then dumped the Everclear and one jug of Hawaiian Punch and let it soak in overnight, and then we added the rest of the ingredients on Saturday before the Sunday game. we made sure to put the barrel outside so that it would stay cold, with the orange juice being in there and all. 

here's a quick picture that Sean took with his cell phone. the great thing (or the worst thing, depending on your stance) about jungle juice is that it just tastes like juice - you can't even taste the alcohol. ;) 

needless to say, it was a huge success, and everyone loved it. well, Sean loved it so much he decided to drink copious amounts of it and ended up really sick that night. serves him right for being a Ravens fan. ;) 

Reverb 10 - December 5th

December 5: Let Go

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

I'm sending you to my archives for the answer to this prompt, since it's a subject I've blogged about recently. I've made the decision to let go of an unhealthy friendship this year, which I wrote about here. unfortunately, it was just time for the relationship to end, and although it was incredibly difficult to come to terms with, I consider it to be one of the best choices I've made during the year 2010. I know that I'll continue to be proud of myself in the years to come for raising my standards when it comes to the company I keep.

Reverb 10 - December 4th

December 4: Wonder

How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

this prompt was a little difficult for me to comprehend at first. I wasn't exactly sure what it was asking, and more importantly, I had no idea how to answer the question. I thought about skipping it and moving on to the December 5th prompt, and then it hit me. what's one thing I've been passionate about this year? what's the one thing I've strived to learn more about and experiment with? that's simple... photography.

I believe my sense of wonder has been awakened by my recent hobby of photography. I carry my camera around with me everywhere, and I'm always on the lookout for the perfect composition. since I began using my dSLR camera, I've noticed that I observe the world around me in a different way. instead of just looking at my environment, I'm really perceiving it, and I'm constantly thinking of new ways to capture what I see. I'm studying the depths of my surroundings, all the while attempting to document what I'm viewing and how it fits into my life. 

I've always been an artistic soul, and it's no surprise that photography turned out to be such a passion for me. everything I see is something to be photographed and made more interesting. something that can be turned into beauty, even though it may not seem so beautiful at first glance. something ordinary made to be something imaginative and brilliant. a simple, everyday object established as something new and extraordinary. 

my sense of wonder and fascination with the world has truly been provoked this year with photography. watching the world from a camera lens has changed the way I see things, and my recent affection for this new hobby has helped me to release some of the creativity that often seems to be hidden and trapped inside. it feels amazing to do something creative and inspiring on a regular basis again.

Reverb 10 - December 3rd

December 3: Moment.

Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).


I think the moment of 2010 when I felt most alive was the night I had my very first training session with my personal trainer. it was only one evening, but it was probably the most important hour of my entire year.

I remember being really nervous for several reasons... one, I really hate going to the gym because I feel like everyone is going to watch me and criticize me. two, because I have NO idea what I'm doing in terms of working out, especially using the machines and knowing what muscles I'm working. I felt like I was going to look like a giant dumbass. actually, I was convinced that I was going to make an ass of myself one way or another. I'd be the girl to fall off a treadmill or drop a weight on the floor, for sure.

I walked into the gym and asked for "Jamie." the teenage boy behind the desk points to a short little [older] woman with grey-blonde hair and tells me "oh, she's right over there."

I walked up to the woman who would change my life, and said "are you Janie? I'm Mandee."

"uh, no, I'm JANIE, with an N, but it's nice to meet you."

awesome. I couldn't help but think to myself, "wow, you've been here for 83 seconds and you've already made yourself look like a fucking idiot... good job." I apologized and blamed it on the teenage boy behind the desk, since he didn't bother to correct me. she said not to worry, she gets it ALL the time and she usually forgives people pretty quickly. whew.

we went into the office and sat down to discuss what my goals were in joining the gym and paying for training sessions. I pretty much told her that I just didn't want to feel fat anymore - I wasn't happy with my body or my level of activeness, and I was sick of it. I was tired of putting it off and I needed to make a change. we agreed that it would be best if we met twice a week and that I should do some sort of cardio exercise on the days that I'm not training.

we then left the office and out into the main gym area, where there were many other people working out... running on the treadmills, cycling on the stationery bike, and using the machines and free weights. I remember feeling very intimidated... like "gee, I could NEVER do that stuff."

Janie got me on the treadmill and the elliptical, just to do some warm up exercises to get my heart rate up... which, by the way, I still hate to this day... getting my heart rate up, that is, not the treadmill or the elliptical. you can read more about the actual workout experience in this post. just so you know, I didn't fall off the treadmill. and I didn't drop any weights either.

I think I consider this day to be my most alive feeling moment of the year, because it's completely changed how I look at myself. it's changed my lifestyle into a healthier, more active one, and I'll never forget that first day with my trainer. I don't see myself as being fat anymore. now, don't think I've gone and lost 20lbs or anything, because I haven't. to be honest, I haven't technically lost much weight at all, but you know what?

I FEEL great. I'm losing inches, and I can see it, as well as feel it. I'm getting SO much stronger. I don't struggle with my workouts like I used to, and I'm consistently impressing myself (and my lovely trainer) with the amount of weight I can lift, or the number of push ups I can do, or how long I last during an endurance exercise. I actually look forward to working out, even on Mondays, because I know how awesome I'll feel at the end of the day.

I feel like a brand new person now in terms of my confidence level. I know I still have work to do on my body, but I'm okay with that - it took a long time to put the weight on, and I know it will take even longer to get rid of it. but knowing that I'm not just sitting around being lazy and that I'm actually working to change the way I look makes me feel SO good about myself. I feel great, health-wise and I know that I'm doing the right thing by working out a few times a week and watching what I eat more closely.

so, I don't remember what I smelled, or what I heard, or what textures I experienced that day, but I recall how I felt, and I felt alive. I felt like my life was changing right before my eyes and I knew that from that moment forward, I would be a different person.

Reverb10 - December 1st

December 1: One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

this year has been... eventful, to say the least. I think the word I'd use to describe 2010 would be growth. I'm not sure why, but I feel very adult-like this year, even though I've considered myself an "adult" since I turned 18 and moved out of my dad's house for the first (and only) time. I wouldn't say it's been a hard year, but I've made some hard decisions regarding my lifestyle this year that required a little more strength than I imagined it would. I've made some life changing choices this year, from joining the gym and hiring a personal trainer, to letting go of a once important friendship, to quitting smoking for GOOD, and deciding to go back to school in the spring. it's been a whirlwind of accomplishments and feelings of success on my end, that's for sure. I think it's been a great year overall, and I feel very content with where I'm at in my life right now. 

I'm proud of where I'm at when it comes to certain aspects of my life, including my marriage, my friendships, my finances, and my mind. I'm really enjoying growing up as time goes on, and I'm relishing in learning more and more about myself as a person as the years go by. I think it's important to continue to grow as a person... staying stagnant means that you have nothing to work for and that there are no improvements to be made. I always like to have a goal in mind, whether it be something big or small, petty or extremely important, and that's something I'll continue to do in my future.

when it comes to 2011, I hope that it's joyful. I'd like to see some further changes take place in my life, for the better, obviously. I'd like to get the house finished, and to stop putting off the projects that we dread. I love working on the house, but it becomes a pain when it gets put on the back burners for so long. I'd also like to contribute a big chunk of my income to a savings account so that we can start looking towards investing in a new home in the future.

we're planning to start a family next year, and that would mean a lot of hard work for us, but immense amounts of happiness as well. my husband and I are both going back to school at the start of 2011, so while I know it may be stressful, I think it will bring a lot of feelings of success on both of our parts. I don't care what happens next year, as long as we're both healthy and happy in the end.   

Reverb10

here we go folks - another "challenge" type of post. really, I guess it's more of a prompted type of series, which I love, so of course, I'm going to participate. this is much like the Giving Thanks series, in that it requires some deep thinking and allows us to reflect on our own feelings. it's called Reverb10, and you can learn all about it at the website here!

"Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. The end of the year is an opportunity to reflect on what's happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead. With Reverb 10, we'll do both."

click this cute little button to visit the site and see if it's something you'd be interested in doing! special thanks to Caity for posting about this... I'm excited to start reflecting! :)

I'll be creating a separate tab for Reverb10 to make it easier to find, so make sure you check back to see the prompts and what I've written/posted about them. I have a feeling I won't be able to complete all of them, but I'm going to try to at least do them everyday of the work week!