I'm No Mummy-Hater......

Ok - so i know we're supposed to have a mummy-sisterhood, and we shouldnt pass judgement on other mummies for what they do or dont do. But i'm gonna, right here, right now, because its been bugging me all week.

I know two lovely women who were both blessed with brand new bubbas this week just gone - one on April 1st and one on April 2nd. Their precious little bundles couldnt be more different - one a boy, almost 9lb, the other a girl, only 3 ounces over 5lb - and neither could the mummas, but they've both done something in the first few days of their babies lives that has had me shaking my head and mumbling " Wha? ". Annoyance #1: the first woman had a baby that took straight to the boob. Her breastfeeding chart in hospital was full of rankings of 4 and 5's ( attached and feeding really well ). Within two days of going home however she had taken him off the breast and put him on to formula, saying that her breasts were too small for him to get milk out off. Which could be true, except the hospital chart would say otherwise, and those who know her best think she's decided to go onto formula because she's too lazy to get up in the night and breastfeed. What?!? That may or not be true, but it if it is i find it greatly annoying ( and i'd be a trifle disgusted in it ). My Flynn found it difficult to attach in the first week or so - in fact we stayed in hospital an extra day and a half just so i was confident that i'd be able to feed him something - and we still feed with the aid of a nipple shield. It hasnt been a nightmare, but nor has been an easy ride ( or entirely convenient ). But i do it because its the best thing for him, and i love him enough to be slightly inconvenienced and tired. And Lady#1 gives up within two days, on a bubba who was a natural to the boob, because she's too lazy? And not only that but straight onto the formula and feeding a 3 day old 60ml at each feed - without consulting a doctor, a midwife, and LAC, not even a chemist. I'm no expert, but that just doesnt seem right. And that lack of loving attention and wanting to do whats best just got up my nose.

Annoyance #2: i know there is HUUUUUUGE debate about SAHM vs working mums. Frankly i would love to not have to go back to work in October but i dont think our finances will allow for it. Working mums are awesome and i have no beef with them. However, i draw the line at returning to work before your baby is a week old. Especially when she is so tiny ( smaller than a Cabbage Patch doll, wearing 000 000 sized clothes ). And especially when you own the business so there is no narky old boss pressuring you to return. Surely someone els can do the spreadsheet for the wages, answer the phone and help a handful of clients for a week or two? She is taking the bubba to work with her ( and her 2 year old son ) but how she expects to get work done and be able to give appropriate attention to the kids is beyond me.

And so - rant over. I know i'm a first time mum and my son is only 3 and half months old so i'm by no means an expert .... but thats just how i feel. You can call me out for ignoring the sacred bonds of motherhood if you want, but we all have our opinions. Of course, its not my place to share these opinons with either of these ladies so i had to get it off my chest somewhere.....

World's largest man breasts

GUO Feng, 53, has the world’s largest pair of man boobs, or moobs.

And where does the man with the world’s biggest man boobs work?

Yup, at a dairy farm. Me Feng has gone to Jinan Chest Hospital to have his breasts seen to.

Says one doctor: “The man is in every way male except for his enormous breasts.”

Operation ' Get My Child To Sleep Longer So I Can Stop Being A Dairy Cow ' Begins....Now!

Perhaps i should just refer to it as Operation Sleep for the sake of not having to type all that over and over. Either way I'm on a mission to get Flynn to nap for a longer period during the day, so that i can have my boobs to myself for a little longer and i can get some stuff done around the house on a regular basis. Dont get me wrong: Flynn is not a 'problem' baby. He doesnt do a great deal of this:

So its not like i have a problem with him howling all day long. However, i need him to do is more of this:

Thats right - he needs sleep more during the day. We dont have a problem at night ( thank gawd! ) but during the day we've had a little bit of issue. What kind of issue? Well, even though i'm well aware that our 'schedule' is inside the bounds of normal, i've started to become a little weary of breastfeeding my son every two hours. So, for example, we might start a feed at 8am, have a little play and then be put down to sleep by 9am. If i'm lucky he will sleep between 20-40 mins, and then he's ready for another feed by 10am. As i said, this kind of feeding schedule is considered to be normal, so thats not the issue - what is the issue is that its exhausting. I've been eating more than i normally would, just to keep up the calories to have enough energy to produce and supply the milk, not to mention its just demanding on a mum to have so little time to herself to have a shower, or eat lunch, or get any household chores done.

So - i got a hold of a counsellor from the Australian Breastfeeding Association  ( can i just say how awesome the ABA is, what with having counsellors and a forum for mums to discuss stuff and weekly meetings in some areas? ) and she was really helpful - she's given me a few ideas of how to lengthen out our little feed schedule and to help me to get him to sleep for a longer period. I'm also taking this opportunity, while i'm already implementing some change, to move Flynn out of his bassinette in our room and into his cot in his own bedroom. So big changes afoot!

We've started today and so far its gone pretty well. Its feed, play , wrap and then a quick pat and cuddle before i put him into bed. If he cries i leave him for 10 minutes before i lift him out, give him another cuddle and put him back. He's managed, after two cry/cuddles to sleep for a total of 2 hrs, twice, already today. So, cross your fingers for me for the rest of the weekend!

DD minus 23: Oh Good Lord, I Think I'm Leaking

OK, i dont just think i'm leaking.... i know i'm leaking. I also know that is probably too much information for most of you ( Leaking ?! Leaking what, from where?!? ) but in the rundown to giving birth i wanted to make note of it. Although i know its completely normal, noticing that i've burst some kind of hole in my boobs is kind of a freak out.

And now - forgetting that. Its Saturday! Which you would think seeing as i'm on maternity leave and staying home everyday doesnt mean much, but it does - firstly because it means Mr Gil isnt at work either, and secondly because tonight is my work Christmas do. I'm not going to call it a " bash " because i believe a bash requires a few more than 5 office staff and their partners, and neither does it qualify as a " function " because im thinking not many functions are held on the back patio of someones house. No, i think calling it a " do " is the best way to go on this occasion. Its not a barbecue either because there wont be any actual barbecuing - its just the few us getting together for a drink, a chat and a meal of some nice cold roasted meats, some prawns, salads and dessert and the obligatory pre-meal snacks.... chips, dips and cabanossi and cheese. Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm!

I have graciously allowed Mr Gil to have a few beers tonight, seeing as its technically a " do " and all. No, i'm not some kind of beer-Nazi fiance who wont let her man drink - rather i've had to put my foot down and ask that he not have his usual beer or three after work every day just in case i go into labour. I mean the last thing i want to do if i go into labour is try and wake him up when he's sleeping off a few drinks, or have to drive myself to the hospital. To be quite honest, i dont think my head would be clear enough to operate car controls when the moment finally comes!

So, two and half hours out from the do/party thingy, i think i'm going to take a shower, fix myself up with a clean bra and possibly take a nap.... not necessarily in that order. Rundown of party happenings ( and any tantrums that may or may not be thrown over certain presents, as mentioned yesterday ) in tomorrows post!

The Great Escape

Today my boobies made a run for it. Can you believe that ? No, they didnt up and leave my chest area, and no i dont have prematurely aging saggy boobs. No, i was at work and my bra broke.... can you believe that? I'm just standing at my desk talking to J and all of a sudden - the elasticity is gone. Every woman out there must know what i'm talking about : when the girls are strapped in there is a firmness, a secure feeling. When that hook lets go, all that security is gone. And so it was today - and chesticles tried to make a break for it. Thank God that a) it was so freaking hot today that my bra was glued to my skin by sweat ( i know, gross, buts thats an Australian summer for you ) and b) that i work in the central shopping area of my town ( i was close enough to duck out for a minute and go and buy myself some new undergarments ).

Thank God, this wasnt exactly a Girls Gone Wild moment. I mean, i did have a shirt on after all, so it wasnt like i was falling out of anything, but there is a brief moment of mortification where you hope nobody has noticed ( even if there isnt all that much to see ). Its kind of like a guy being almost pantsed ( or dacked, as we call it here in Australia ). Sure, there isnt exactly anything on show - except maybe your boxers or your favourite tighty whities - but for a minute there you wonder if anyone has noticed anything else. (As an aside, dacking people is funny, unless your the one being dacked ).

You know how it is right ? Any intentional exposure of other peoples bodies, in the aim of embarrassing them, is funny, unless your the target. I cant remember how many times the boys in my grade during high school would run up behind someone and yank their pants down. Boy-on-boy, after a while, seemed a little homoerotic - so of course it progressed to either trying to do the same to us girls ( unless we were wearing a skirt, in which case they were just trying to get a glimpse underneath, anyway they could ). And what other form of torture did they devise for us ladies ? Bra strap flicking and, occasionally, intentional unhooking of the bra. During science class. Luckily whilst seated in the back row.

Oh, wait.... yea, thats where they got me. Science was not exactly my favourite subject, so my friends and I in the back row spent a lot of time fooling around back there. Usually we threw pieces of eraser at people, or passed notes, or talked in low tones so the teacher wouldnt hear, but one day my friends L and Jay decided it was Pick On Amy Day. This newly celebrated holiday involved L reaching behind me andi n one foul swoop, pulling at the back of my bra and miraculously unhooking it with one hand. O.M.G! How, like, totally embarassing! I had to slide underneath the desk and try and fiddle underneath my shirt and hook it back up without the teacher noticing i was gone. No mean feat let me tell you.

And so, we have learned two things: pantsing people is funny. Unhooking girls bras in science class is not.

Also: either my breasts have magically grown a cup size overnight ( please God, say its true! ) or they just dont make bras like they used to....