Our local neighborhood thief

Notice he has his eyes closed? It's a common tactic amongst convicts, knowing that eyes are what people remember the most, that's why cons try to blink when their mug shots are taken.
That's all good, motherfucker. I'll never forget your face.
Alto was keeping him busy when his ol' lady shagged her ass down to my place this weekend for backup.
He won't be around our neighborhood again after we dealt with his ass. We reached an "understanding".
Neighborhood Watch in action. Old School Neighborhood Watch, that is......
I can handle a liar, I can understand a fucking junkie but I hate hate hate a thief.

Damn.....

You know, I just went over 19 years at my job a couple of weeks ago and I gotta tell you, I can't believe I've lasted that long at a job I really dislike.
Granted, my workplace and working conditions have greatly improved over the years but still, 19 years? Oh well, only another 4 years and I have the option to retire with half my pension (thanks to my ex) and move on to something else, although I doubt that's gonna happen.
Maybe I can move out of Kalifornia to some poverty stricken area where I can live on that and whatever minimum wage job I can find. I don't need much, just a roof over my head, food and beer in my belly and the occasional coyote to entertain. CGD can pretty much fend for himself as long as he's got something slower than himself to kill, so that's not a big worry.
It still pisses me off though - work my ass off all my life only to have my ex take half my retirement after her laying on her ass half our marriage, refusing to work. Her big excuse was if she worked we'd have to pay in to the IRS at tax time - no shit, she was willing to give up a monthly income because she was afraid we'd pay in instead of getting our usual small refund. But it didn't stop her from insisting on our monthly trips to the fucking Bay Area or twice yearly trips to Reno so she'd be entertained.
And I'm sure she'll read this, but she can bite me - the $100,000 it cost me to get rid of her ass was worth every penny.
Yeah, I'm fucking tired and cranky tonight. Even CGD is keeping his distance from me - he's laying at the door snarling at the assholes across the street. He's starting to get on my nerves with that and I'd kick his ass if I thought I could get away with it. With my luck though, he'd bite the fuck out of me and I'd lose time at work.
Enough sniveling. I'm going to bed.

I knew he'd forgive me

Rick finally got around to talking to me today.
Granted, all he said was "I'm going to burn your fucking house down", but at least it's a start.

I needed to run a lap or two anyways

Me and my buddy Rick Marshall was bullshitting at the water cooler yesterday when Donnie D jammed by on his forklift. When he saw me and Rick, he started doing his weird-ass DD bullshit, making faces and trying to rap.
Now, Rick had gotten Double D the job out there because Donnie was dating Ricks' daughter at the time, about 10-12 years ago.
Rick turns to me and says "Man, I still can't believe that little bastard used to climb through my daughters' window after I was in bed to spend the night with her."
I just washed down a Motrin and grunted.
Then he shakes his head and says "I'm just grateful he never got my little babygirl pregnant."
And then I did one of those "open my mouth before I think" things.
"Yeah. Lucky for you he was fucking her in the ass, huh?"
Hey, for a big boy, Rick can move pretty goddamn fast. I barely got away.

Fun and games on a Saturday evening

Man, I needed a new thumb drive so a while ago I was headed to the Office Depot to get one and right when I'm slowing down to turn into the parking lot some stupid white motherfucker and his buddy with their hats turned sideways in a jap car turn in front of me from the left lane to go to Marias' Taqueria. I stand on my brakes and honk my horn, barely missing them. Seriously it was so close it blistered the paint on my truck.
As I'm pulling into the Office Depot I look in my rear view mirror and what do I see? A jap car with two stupid motherfuckers following me in. Great. Just what I wanted, a fucking hassle.
Hmmmm, what kind of weaponry do I use? My 45? Pepper spray? The bad-ass tomahawk I bought yesterday? The four foot length of 3/8" chain laying in my floorboard? My E-tool? So many choices......
I decided on the pepper spray for starters and finishing up with the 45 if needed.
I park and the jap car 69s up next to me. The driver rolls down his window and yells "YO! You got a problem, Dawg?"
Dawg? You just pissed me off. I ain't your fucking dawg, young man.
"Fuuuuck you, youngster."
He jumps out of the car and I blast him with a shot of pepper spray. As he's rolling on the ground cussing, his buddy throws down the blunt they were smoking and touches his door handle.
Aha, an act of aggression. I blast him through both open windows from 3 feet away, hitting him in the lower face. Cheap fucking "spray", shooting a stream instead of a spray. Oh, well.
The dumbass immediately rubs that shit right into his eyes.
"Man, what the fuck did you do that for? I wasn't going to do nothing!" He was sniveling big time.
"For having a poor choice of friends, son." I just grinned and pulled a few feet away and looked in the bed of my truck where CharlieGodammit was playing with a bug.
"What the fuck, asshole? Weren't you gonna take take of business, you worthless motherfucker?"
He just looked at me like Hey, you had it under control and pinned his beetle under his paw.
My thumb drive can wait until tomorrow.
Fucking kids, I swear......

Cousin Kenny

My Cousin Kenny (second cousin, actually) died this past Saturday in Louisiana and I just found out tonight.
Mom and Pops both deny I was named after him but me and Kenny knew better.

You wanna talk about a White Trash motherfucker? Let me give you just a few examples here.

Cousin Kenny joined the Army back in 1961 and deserted in 1962 when he realized he couldn't lay around drunk all day and run hounds all night. His main claim to fame was he escaped from Leavenworth Stockade so may times that the Military finally gave up and offered to pardon him if he would only tell them how he did it.
My earliest memories of him was that he always had a half dozen Plotts under his trailer for running lions with another half dozen Standard Airedales staked out in the back for cornering them lions. Any one of those Airedales would eat my CharlieGodammit for lunch, they were some BAD motherfuckers. He also had a couple dozen fighting cocks that brought in a decent income for him.
He finally married Virginia who brought his ass in line and straightened him up. I think it was because she could whip his skinny ass anytime. She was a stout Cherokee gal that took no shit off anybody. Stout? She was a big girl, so big that her purse gun was a Redhawk 44 magnum with a 2 inch barrel and that motherfucker wouldn't even phase her. But they loved each other and she taught him some respectability.

I could go on and on about Kenny but let me say this:
My family has been hit hard with death these past few months. First it was Moms' baby brother Donald. I didn't shed a tear although I loved him. Then her stepdad, my Grandpa Bud. I didn't shed a tear even though Bud helped raise me up. Them Moms' baby stepbrother Gary who was only 3 years older than me and my best friend when I was growing up. Again, I didn't shed a tear. A man has to be strong for the family right?
But tonight I got a fucking text message about Cousin Kenny....... my legs gave out from under me, and I cried like a fucking baby.
I remember him and Virginia having me over for dinner the time I actually came home on leave from the Army. I remember catfishing with him on the Tuolumne in the summer after I got out, drunk and the skeeters eating us up and us not giving a fuck. Drinking whiskey with him and working on his truck. Him shooting his truck up when it still wouldn't run.
And the last time I saw him - I had stopped in a couple years ago and gave him and Virginia a stringer of cats and sat on his porch and visited and drank sun tea. I remember when I left I hugged Virginia and she left a lipstick kiss on my cheek and Kenny grabbed my hippie hair, bumped foreheads and told me to take care, motherfucker, fuck the feds and watch my ass, Bo.
Cousin Kenny. Straight-Up White Trash, God Bless 'im.

I'm in my happy place

Showered and shaved, bacon and fried taters on the stove, dog snoring and farting at my feet and absolutely nothing I have to do today.
Not only that but it's a nice day with a pleasant breeze blowing through my opened up house airing it out.
The only thing fucking it up is $4.00 a gallon gas and deep snow in the mountains.
But still, bacon and fried taters with bacon salt.........
It don't take much to keep a simpleton simple man happy.

My day so far

Cut the backyard (75' x 50' and knee-high), went shopping, changed my oil, mailed off a package to Cousin Jen, did laundry, did dishes, vacuumed the carpet, scrubbed the tub, did the recycling for the month, went to the ex's bank and deposited her money, got a nice chunk of beef on the smoker, and doctored CharlieGodammits' foot where he cut it yesterday.
And it's only 12:30.
Things still to do? Mount the scope that drjim graciously gave me on my springer, zero it, take CGD to the dog park before he drives me fucking crazy, eat my chunk of meat, do my taxes and get drunk.

Maybe with all that domestic bullshit out of the way I can finally go find a coyote to shoot at sometime this weekend.

Camo Cat

My main Evil Cat loves the outside spring weather and lately I've been letting her out when I get home. Normally she stays in her and CharlieGodammits' backyard but last night I heard a catfight and opened my door to see Camouflage chase another cat across the street.
Isn't it Lane Luck that Camo ran the other cat in front of the car when she ran under it? The only car in sight?
When I got to her, she was bleeding from her nose, ears and mouth and her back was broke. Poor Baby, but she still had fire in her eyes.
I gave her a 22 caliber sleeping pill as quick as I could and wished her Godspeed as she went, then buried her between Hillary Clinton and Punkindog.
I know I did the right thing but somehow I've felt like shit all day long.