So the funniest/weirdest thing ever happened today. I have a client who comes in every few months and gets me to tighten up his spectacle frames, realign them, replaces the screws .... all the type of stuff you cant do without your own glasses on. He's a nice bloke, always has a little joke and says please and thankyou - all in all, he;s one of my good customers. So he comes in today and i do the usual thing but when i went down the front to give him his glasses back, he takes me aside and asks me what time i'm having lunch. Say what now ? He says he has something sensitive he would like to ask me about, and he doesnt want the other women in the office too overhear. Alright, i told him what time my lunch usually is, and he says he'll come back.
My colleague and i had two immediate thoughts - either he's going to ask me out or he wants to kidnap me and chop me up into little pieces. I'm not sure which i would prefer - he might be nice but he's old so i'm not keen on going out with him ( i was preparing my best Elizabeth Bennett refusal speech ), but if he kidnaps me at least i get some time off work. So my lunch time rolls around and my curiousity is almost killing me ( although J is still convinced that i'm going to be kidnapped and tells me to keep my mobile phone handy ). I meet my client out the front and he starts to get all nervous and bumbly. " Umm, i know this must seems strange, i'm not really sure how to say this.... " Inside, I'm going - Oh. Crap.
And then - do you remember Average Joe ? Turns out that my client is a good friend of Joe, considers himself like a surrogate dad type of figure, and, well, umm, just that young Joe must have been talking about me and was apparently more than a little disappointed when we didnt go out for a second time. You're joking right ? Inside i couldnt help but smile and how sweet my client was trying to be. He told me he wasnt trying to interfere, that i didnt need to go into details or anything, just that the poor guy was wondering what he did wrong. " You know, if there were no sparks, then were no sparks! If he said something wrong and you think he's a dickhead, then tell him he's a dickhead! Just tell him why - the poor young bloke is wondering what he did to upset you and is a bit disappointed, because he liked you and wanted to see you again ". Well bless this mans little socks for telling me so - like he said, he was just looking out for his friend, he and he always thought i was a " good bird ", so maybe i could contact Joe and let him know what happened ? So i smiled, and told him that i would send Joe an email, which i fully intend to do. I always did, i just couldnt think of how to word it, but now i feel extra bad because it seems like Joe must have really taken a shine to me.
After work, my sister and I went to get some take out, and i'm relating this whole odd little story back to her. She looked at me and laughed and said, " You know, i was going to try and set you up once.... " Say what now ? Oh yea - my bright spark of sister thought it would be a great idea to set me up with Banky McHands. Not that she even knows Banky McHands. No, her plan was to just track him down at the bank where he worked and describe me to him, and then just plain old tell him i thought he was hot. I can say with, like, 95% certainty, that had she done that i would have been forced to punch her in the forehead. How embarrassing would that have been ? I wouldnt have known anything about it, until the next time i went to the bank and he gave me this odd look, like i had leprosy or something, and gently explained that i was far too old for him. Seriously, if my sister had done that i think i would have been mortified to death.
But thats not all. On my sisters 18th birthday, she went out to dinner with her friends and, because her boyfriend wasnt in town, her boyfriends best friend went to keep her company. Aww, what a sweetheart you say ? Well, yea. YoungBoysBest Friend ( or YBBF as he shall now be known ) had come up to our duplex when my sister and i were flatmates, and after i had cooked everyone dinner, YBBF took my empty plate to the sink and volunteered to take the garbage out. Aww, what a sweet young man. Sure. So when on my sisters birthday my best friend P and I finally caught up with her, and my sister mentioned that YBBF had come to be her " date ", we all went - Aww, what a sweetie. When sister got up to get a drink, P goes " You should totally put YBBF on lay-by ! ". Thats lay-away for you American people. And why would i have to do that, do you ask ? Because YBBF is only 16 years old! And i mean he's only just turned 16, so that makes him almost 9 full years younger than me. And not only did P suggest this, but when i was telling my sister this story tonight she tells me that she and her boyfriend had already discussed this. Oh.My.God. My best friend, my 18 year old sister and her 15 year old boyfriend have all decided that I would be great with a 16 year old boy - who apparently, would "totally like to tackle " me. Which is 15 year old boyfriend speak for " The 16 year old guy wants to do your sister ". Oh. My. God.
A 16 year old boy ( who is quite sweet, and you know he's going to totally good looking and attractive when IS eventually legal ) wants to tackle me. That is just wrong. Flattering, but wrong. Right ? I just cant believe that all these people are so concerned about my almost-non-existent lovelife....
Showing posts with label Banky McHands. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Banky McHands. Show all posts
" Observation " overload
Alright, so I'm going to admit it - I'm a perve. No, its true, I'm a dirty, dirty perve. Some of you may remember Banky McHands, and he's still on my perving radar, but its more than that. I am not going to mention exactly how long its been since I've had the " company " ( ahem ... ) of a good man, but suffice to say that its been long enough that I now find myself checking people out everywhere I go. For example, you know that underwear ad featuring David Beckham ? Umm... yes please. Or last night I'm watching " Baby Mama " at the movies and my first thought is " Wow, Tina Fey has sexy-ass legs ". This was followed closely by " I totally want her shoes!! " Good freaking Lord.
So aside from young Banky McHands, I am now checking people out at the gym. Thats normal right ? Half the people at the gym are only there to give other people the once over. So, anyways, I'm at the gym, on one of the machines that works your triceps - yes, I know the machines have names, I just dont know what they are - and I'm doing my thing, working up a sweat.... and I cant help noticing one of the regulars working up a sweat too. He's definately older than me, maybe around 30, could be married, and he's probably going bald because he has a really close cropped buzz cut but there he is, and there I am, watching the muscles in his legs move under his glistening skin. Of course, I'm watching out of the corner of my eye while i ( try to ) concentrate on what I'm doing.
Or this afternoon, after work, I'm in line at the supermarket, waiting for my turn with the cashier. There is a guy a few places in front of me, kind of tall, dark hair, scruffy, unshaven thing going on - just my type actually - and he looks around absentmindely. Just for a fleeting second I feel like he's giving me the eye so from that point until he's paid for his stuff and is out of sight I'm secretly giving him the once over. Nice bum, strong looking chest, nice arms under that t-shirt.... for God's sake Amy, just pay for your tzatziki and get out of here!
Thankfully, this newfound obsession with observation hasnt yet encroached on my life too much. I mean, its not likeI'm surfing the net for porn or chasing poor innocent young men down the street. I mean, I'm not THAT desperate ( yet ). But I'd like to think that maybe, sometimes, someone could possibly be perving on me and that this isnt just a one way street.
That would just be too, too sad, wouldnt it ?
So aside from young Banky McHands, I am now checking people out at the gym. Thats normal right ? Half the people at the gym are only there to give other people the once over. So, anyways, I'm at the gym, on one of the machines that works your triceps - yes, I know the machines have names, I just dont know what they are - and I'm doing my thing, working up a sweat.... and I cant help noticing one of the regulars working up a sweat too. He's definately older than me, maybe around 30, could be married, and he's probably going bald because he has a really close cropped buzz cut but there he is, and there I am, watching the muscles in his legs move under his glistening skin. Of course, I'm watching out of the corner of my eye while i ( try to ) concentrate on what I'm doing.
Or this afternoon, after work, I'm in line at the supermarket, waiting for my turn with the cashier. There is a guy a few places in front of me, kind of tall, dark hair, scruffy, unshaven thing going on - just my type actually - and he looks around absentmindely. Just for a fleeting second I feel like he's giving me the eye so from that point until he's paid for his stuff and is out of sight I'm secretly giving him the once over. Nice bum, strong looking chest, nice arms under that t-shirt.... for God's sake Amy, just pay for your tzatziki and get out of here!
Thankfully, this newfound obsession with observation hasnt yet encroached on my life too much. I mean, its not likeI'm surfing the net for porn or chasing poor innocent young men down the street. I mean, I'm not THAT desperate ( yet ). But I'd like to think that maybe, sometimes, someone could possibly be perving on me and that this isnt just a one way street.
That would just be too, too sad, wouldnt it ?
I have to find a man outlet - fast!
I have an inappropriate crush on a bank teller. There you go, i'm putting it out there - i have a crush. Not one of those school girl crushes where you write the guys name all over your school books and follow him around making puppy dog eyes. No, this one is more a dirty, perverted type of thing. Don't look at me like that - girls are allowed to have those kinds of crushes too. See, there is a young guy who works at the bank across from my work. I say young because he's probably around 19 years old - approximately 5 years younger than my good self. This young bank teller has the biggest hands i've ever seen. Seriously, he's not absurdly tall but he's built like a football player and he has enormous hands. Strong hands. Manly hands. So, for stories sake, lets call him Banky McHands.
Anyhoo, Banky McHands has these big, strong, manly hands. I know for a fact, seeing as i used to go to the same gym as him, that these big, strong, manly hands lead up to big, strong, well muscled arms. Thats my thing, you see - just like some men are boob guys, or some women fall head over heels for that V thing some guys have at the hip ( incidentally.... yum ), i'm an arm girl. I like guys with well cut arms, arms that look like they could alternately pick you up and hold you against a wall or wrap themselves around you until you fall asleep. So here's Banky McHands with his big hands and muscular arms and here's me, every time i've been to the bank for the last few weeks, subtlely watching his hands move and wondering how well he can use them. Don't look at me like that either - you catch my drift.
But its getting worse - i discovered, in a brief lapse of focus, that Banky McHands has a really good bum. I'd say arse, but thats makes me sound even more horny, perverted and desperate than i already am. I'm now alternating between daydreams about how much use i could put those big hands to, and visions of his bare bum as he rolls out of bed. Good lord child, i have issues.
A woman cant help developing inappropriate crushes on well cut bank tellers when she hasnt had a man to speak of for quite a while. Can she? Seriously, quit looking at me like that....
Anyhoo, Banky McHands has these big, strong, manly hands. I know for a fact, seeing as i used to go to the same gym as him, that these big, strong, manly hands lead up to big, strong, well muscled arms. Thats my thing, you see - just like some men are boob guys, or some women fall head over heels for that V thing some guys have at the hip ( incidentally.... yum ), i'm an arm girl. I like guys with well cut arms, arms that look like they could alternately pick you up and hold you against a wall or wrap themselves around you until you fall asleep. So here's Banky McHands with his big hands and muscular arms and here's me, every time i've been to the bank for the last few weeks, subtlely watching his hands move and wondering how well he can use them. Don't look at me like that either - you catch my drift.
But its getting worse - i discovered, in a brief lapse of focus, that Banky McHands has a really good bum. I'd say arse, but thats makes me sound even more horny, perverted and desperate than i already am. I'm now alternating between daydreams about how much use i could put those big hands to, and visions of his bare bum as he rolls out of bed. Good lord child, i have issues.
A woman cant help developing inappropriate crushes on well cut bank tellers when she hasnt had a man to speak of for quite a while. Can she? Seriously, quit looking at me like that....
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