fresh scents

I bought myself a bouquet of flowers last weekend to reward myself for being holly homemaker. and then I took pictures of them.

and I think they're pretty. I love fresh flowers. 

her confidence is tragic, but her intuition magic

it's random thoughts time at TBNT!

five words I hate to hear:
- "bestie"
- "tat"
- "taint"
- "crunk"
- "porno"

five words I love to say:
- "fuckerbitch"
- "facetious"
- "lyric"
- "cunt"
- "vase" pronounced with a long "a" sound.

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do mosquitoes actually do anything productive? is there any grand reasoning behind their existence? someone, please let me know. because I hate them. I'd really like to just walk around with mosquito netting draped around my body at ALL times.

sexy, huh?

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my purpose in life is to answer my one life long question: how do blind people know when they're done wiping?

I'm sure there are ways to do it beyond sight (obviously... there HAS to be), but I'm honestly curious to know what these skills are. do they own a sniffing dog? do they smell the toilet paper themselves? this is in no way, shape, or form meant to be offensive to those with no eye sight whatsoever. it's just something that has plagued my mind for YEARS, so I thought, who better to ask than my lovely readers?

and don't act like you don't look at the poopy toilet paper when you're done wiping... you gotta make sure your ass is clean, yo! well... maybe not for you fancy pants out there with bidet toilets.

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I'm really really disappointed at all the recently canceled TV programs. let's be honest here... I'm a TV junkie, and I've mentioned this fact many times on this blog. and it just so happens, that I watched a lot of the shows that were canceled this year already, and some from last year. proceed below for the list:

The Cleaner


Accidentally On Purpose


Cold Case


Flash Forward


Law & Order


Mercy


Raising The Bar


Life


My Own Worst Enemy




RIP to some of my favorite shows. I love you all for one way or another. you've treated me well over the season(s) and you will be truly missed.
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I often think about the origin of letters and words and why they sound the way they do. for example, who decided what the letter A would look and sound like? why doesn't it look like an A, but sound like an S? who looked at a chair one day and proclaimed "this will be called a chair!"? it's insane how much I try to figure this stuff out, and it's crazy if you really think about it long enough... what if all the letters in the alphabet sounded like something else? that shit boggles my mind.

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insomnia sucks. between being busy with work, and being high on Ambien by the time I get a chance to blog about anything, I haven't had a chance to get to Wedding Wednesday yet today... whomp whomp. I'm go to attempt to half ass for sleep's sake, but if it's horrible, I'll put it on my list of things to do for tomorrow.

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oh yeah - GO FLYERS!

Dears Of The Day

Dear Lane Bryant,
I am not plus size. Please stop sending me catalogs. You're not helping my self esteem.

Regards,
Not Super Skinny, But Definitely Not A Big Girl

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Dear AT&T,
Your map commercials are fucking annoying. I don't really swoon over Luke Wilson to begin with (and Owen too, actually), so thank you SO much for confirming my hatred for him by paying him what I'm sure is a ridiculous amount of money to tell bold faced LIES regarding Verizon's coverage.

Sincerely,
Faithful Verizon Customer (& proud owner of a DVR so I can fast forward through your ass)

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Dear underwear,
I know I'm not helping you out any with the continuous growth of my rear end, but please stop cutting off my circulation. There are only a few of you left in my "these can still comfortably fit" pile, and I'd like to wear you all again eventually. I promise I will not replace you with (*gasp*) large size garments. just please be patient.

Love Always,
The Ass In Which You Wish To Cover

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Dear Insomnia,
please.fuck.off.

MandeeFoFandee

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Dear Pheobe,
Stop being such a little whore to Bear. It's to the point now where he walks (kind of swerves, really... he's special) in the opposite direction when he sees you coming. He knows that you're going to growl at him and try to claw his eyes out. You should know better.

Regards,
Your MOTHER

PS - stop sprinting into the bedroom every time I open the fucking door. you know I'm just going to chase your ass until I can grab you and throw you back out. you never win at this game. give it up.

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Dear BGE,
While I take great pleasure in your service, especially the heat which keeps me warm during these frigid months, I would greatly appreciate a little warning the next time you want to ASS RAPE me with a $428.00 electric bill. Last month's $415.00 bill was fucking awful, and so I've been watching our electricity use closely this month... even turning the heat down a few degrees when I leave for work... and yet my bill goes up. I would really prefer at least some lube and cuddle time next month.

Fuck off,
Your Loyal Customer, Who Will Never Get Ahead Thanks To YOU

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Dear Pistachios,
I love you, despite your ability to royally fuck up my stomach. Keep being delicious and irresistible.

Love,
MandeeFoFandee

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Dear Dad,
I know you have an incredibly terrible relationship with your girlfriend/baby mama, but honestly... it's not my fucking problem. Not only did you choose to move this crazy bitch into your home, but you then had unprotected sex with her, resulting in my little brother. Wyatt is amazing, and the coolest little kid ever, but keeping her around for his sake isn't really helping him much. I've given you the SAME advice for years, so please don't expect any sympathy when she goes on a crazy rant after a week's worth of normalcy.

Your Only Daughter,
Mandee

PS - I could really use a raise. See above RE: my electric bill.

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Dear New Orleans Saints,
Please, for the sake of baby jesus, beat the shit out of the Colts this weekend. I am so sick of Peyton fucking Manning and the god damn Colts. Make them your bitches, Saints.

Yours Truly,
Devoted Redskins Fan, Who Has Come To Terms With NO Superbowl In My Future

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Dear Mother Nature,
you win.

Soon-To-Be-Snowed-In,
MandeeFoFandee