When the cop arrived at Good Foods to Go in Evesham, New Jersey, 27-year-old Ryan Burke immediately recognized him. It was the officer who pulled him over a year before for a traffic violation. The cop ordered a turkey, egg and cheese bagel...
But Burke, incapable of weighing the sins that constitute a legitimate beef, decided to give him a little extra. He plucked his own pubic and chest hairs, adding them to the sandwich as well. Consider it his own special sauce.
Yet Burke is obviously a moron, because his attempt to torture the officer went a bit overboard. The cop apparently noticed that his eggs were flowering hair like a newly pubescent boy. And instead of blowing it off, he decided to investigate.
Burke was subsequently fired and charged with aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer and retaliation for a past official action. At first, he told a reporter that the charges were "ridiculous." But the cops took a DNA swab from him and matched it to the bagel samples sent to the crime lab. They weren't about to take the matter lightly, lest every cook think it kosher to put shit in their food.
So Burke decided to plead guilty. He'll only get 15 days in jail and two years probation, but it's a good bet that every cop in Evesham, New Jersey will be looking to light him up at the least provocation, either real or imagined.
Nice job with your little follicle revenge caper, moron.
